ccf (12/02/82)
In my very young childhood, the following poem was seldom unsuccessful in substantially boosting my Xmas morale. Bearing this in mind, I hope that more than a few of my fellow colleagues will be moved by this version: TWEEZE DENIED BEEF WORKER ISTHMUS Tweeze denied beef worker isthmus, winnow Trudy how's, Snot agreed juries during, gnaw Tiffany moss. This talking swear unbided Gemini wit cairn Hint opus scenic (alas!) sinewy dare. Unjelled runner nozzle tools smuggling deer butts Well fissions unshoe kerplunks thence endear huts. Anemometer cur chiffon dyeing mayhap, Adjust subtle warp reins fairy loin winger snap. Winnow taunted launderer roast sachet glitter Ice brine bromide bet deucey woodwinds schemata. Await Tudor widower blue lacking flesh, Door roping tier shatters untrue hump these ash. Demonian depressed often knew felines know Gaffe cholesterol metier due abjects elope. Wane wood tummy wandering ice shittah pear, Vital men etchers lay mandate tidy Rainier. Whittle it whole dolt river salival equipt, Sinewy mom aunt isthmus bee-stain nicked. Mere rabbit-torn evils whose gorses became Any weaseled end shuttered, uncool tomboy maim. "Node azure! No Dunce era! No France urine fixing! Uncommit! And cubit! Andante ran vexing! Toady tipoff deport chew detypify well! Gnaw dish aweigh, dish aweigh, dish aweigh awl!" Asked relieves dot beef forty whiled hurry queen fry, Wind emit wooden apse stickle, mountie-desk eye, Sew-up two-deep how stop duck horsers dubloon, Witty slave fallow toils, ascend nickel loss due. Ant tending at weakling - why hurt honor roof? A brain sinning Boeing effete shiney huff. Aside ruin mayhap untwist darning neuron Bounding gym knee-scent knick (alas!) game winning pound. Iwis tressed woolen furze promise etuis food, Anus closed whorled varnished wood asses in suits. Abound olived oils (egad!) flunk honor speck, Any luck lockup addler chest (hope?) nimbus peck. Assai Saudi twin calloused temples amore! Exchequer lachryosis, whizz snows locket jury. Estrual litter mouse wash thrown applique beau, Amdahl biered honest Genesis weight hostess know. Distempered ape pie pea yelled tiding is steed, Undies mocha answer cul de sac lackey reed. Egad! Abroad fastener litter hound bully Achoo! quaintly left, lacking bull feeling jolly. Iwis champion blimp -- arrayed chilly wool delve, Any left whinney sow hymn, enspied off Moselle. An oink office sigh unto whist office hood Swoon gamey tonneau ahead knitting two tread. Ease poke naught award, Beduoin strayed duets orc, Infield eldest tuggings; interned witty chert, End lioness fanger a sight office gnus, Ant gibbon unknot, upon chimpanzee rows. Hasp Rangoon is lay, due esteem guava wistful, Ending weight day elf loo, lacking town ova tassle; Buddy herding explain air hedge rowboat design, "Hopping rich musty woolen due awl incondite!" NEXT WEEK: The first 2 volumes of Spencer's "Fairy Queen". *<--- chuck --->* cbosgd!ccf BTL Columbus
charles (12/06/82)
All work and no plagiarism makes a dull poem, I guess. It would have been nice if Chuck F. had given some credit for his poem to the author of 'Anguish Laguish', in various volumes, who brought us the Xmas Poem and other goodies such as 'Ladle Rat Rotten Hut', 'Guilty Looks Enter Tree Beers', and 'Door Oil Gory Mayor'. Charles C.
waltie (12/07/82)
Xmas Pome
Oh, Christmas, she is comin'
in a couple hectic weeks.
All the stores are filled with CRAZIES!
All the stores are filled with FREAKS!!
They will stomp you to a powder
should you fall while you do shop,
if you trip, there won't be nothin' left-
to clean up with a mop!
I am hiding in my bedroom
with my hands upon my head,
'cause I know if I step out of here-
I'm sure to wind up dead.
You're blasted with commercials
for stuff you cannot use,
the kids all tell you what they want
and "sales" are the big news.
The money that you've sweated for
is spent on shirts and ties,
then when they see what you did give
you hear the mournful cries.
Yes I can hear the rumble
as they stampede to the stores,
and I can sense the havoc that
they're wreaking on the floors.
My tender bod's too fragile
to abuse in such a way,
so I will hide and shudder-
'til another, safer day!!
Alas, I cannot see it,
as they jump into their cars,
and slide along the frosty roads
and tank up more in bars.
Even cops are cheerful
as their radar hums all day,
"Merry Christmas, Happy new year!"
as they throw the key away.
It's perfume for the ladies,
chainsaws for the men,
then when you're finally solvent,
you must do it all again.
You send a jillion Christmas cards
to people you don't know,
and when they do not send one back
your stack is sure to blow!!
It's "Merry Christmas, ho, ho, ho!"
There's stockings to be filled!!
There's toys, and joys,
for girls, and boys
if you just don't get killed!!
Yes, egg nog's great to guzzle,
as it dribbles down your cheek.
After eating Christmas goodies
you must work out for a week!
So liquify your assets!!
Take out low cost loans!!
Hit those malls a-runnin',
spend, until your body moans!!
But, oh, I often wonder
if the meaning has been lost,
tho' it seems it doesn't matter-
just "How much does that thing cost?"
The kids, forever screaming,
they'll bust it in a day,
so why'd you buy it anyhow?
You'll just throw it away!
So I have got the secret,
yes, I've devised a plan,
I'll hide until it's over
'cause the poop has hit the fan!!
Yours truly,
decvax!teklabs!tekid!waltie