ALAN@NCSUVM.BITNET (01/17/86)
More and more I think.
(C)opy (W)ritten by me. I swear.
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Alone--Sleepy, yet awake with fire.
Fire and Ice are before me, I freeze
and burn in the presence-
Of what I study, nothing matters,
my work leads me on to fields where I
play--work and play are equal, neither
Matters of life and death, they are what
I care for. Nobody to care for. Lonely,
yet very much together. I, as one am not
afraid, but as the parts, I am terrified.
Aloud I yell, quietly I die. Small parts die--
While the Body thrives, they care not. The parts
as such care not. As the whole they Love--
The names--VMSYSTEM--ALAN--RELAY--they matter little,
yet they carry me over the fields. Where I play--work--
care, yet can not care enough. My life burns as I play--
the years burn down around my head. I watch, with unblinking
Eyes are the root. I am scared by the eyes. I can't tell where
the eyes are. They watch me all the time. I have gotten used to them.
The life eludes me--I should be elsewhere--elsetime--
I care--but am not allowed to care. I burn like I should not--
I live--die--sleep--awake--all--nothing-- I am afraid to show
Feelings run deep. They wash over me, flaming as I swim in
the pools that others have already left. I work. I drown.
The work is nothing. Yet, it is everything I have. It is what
I work when I must not--yet, I work and work and work and work--
What I do matters, but then, what matters? Life? not mine!
Liberty is the persuit of what you wish to persue. I can not--
it is humor that I even work here. MacDonalds! Ho! I could work--
Yet, it matters SO LITTLE!
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Alan Clegg USMail: 2801-23 Brigadoon Drive
"I am NOT a crook" Raleigh, NC 27606
Bitnet: ALAN@NCSUVM
Home Bell: (919) 851-3246 ARPA: ALAN%NCSUVM.BITNET@wiscvm
Work Bell: (919) 737-3035 UUCP: ALAN%NCSUVM.BITNET@psuvaxg
Play Bell: (919) 831-0708