john@cisden.UUCP (John Woolley) (01/22/86)
PROTHALAMION O come, Desired! Our wedding-song's rehearsed in every hymn -- sing, sun and stars of light! Our Bridegroom, come! Thy sudden glory burst through hearts and sky -- ended be this long night! Daystar arise! and raise us, living rain, soften us, parched, mortal, ashes and dust. O King! from all thy lands, as scattered grain, broken, thy body, gather us crumb and crust. Hold us, Beloved! Lead to our marriage-bower thy Bride, dark, splendid, comely, kept for thee. O bundle of myrrh, our lily, Sharon-flower, sweet savour, Saviour, take us! Shadows flee, day breathe! Let tears be dried, hurts, hearts be healed, and thou, Lord Christ, our life, love, be revealed! Criticism either from the standpoint of sense or of poetry is more than welcome. (I'm trying to become a better poet and a better Christian.) Any other Christian poets out there? -- Peace and Good!, Fr. John Woolley "Compared to what I have seen, all that I have written is straw." -- St. Thomas
gsmith@brahms.BERKELEY.EDU (Gene Ward Smith) (01/25/86)
I liked it; all the more because it is one of the few submissions to net.poems that I found even half-way tolerable. I think a little less "!" and less of a sense of being derivative from Hopkins would be good. One avenue I think worth exploring would be to use contemporary language (by which I mean no Poetic Diction in the classical sense) and perhaps a less celebratory theme, attempting to cut a little deeper and show something of yourself (in a non-egoistic manner, I mean -- how do you relate to God? What is happening here?) and your own personal approach to religious experience or whatever you wish to talk about. In any case, go ahead and submit more stuff. I absolutly felt no urge to laugh myself sick reading it, and that is unusual for me when reading net.poems submissions. Gene W. Smith P.S. : I tried to mail this, but couldn't figure out the right system.