art@hpfcla.UUCP (08/08/85)
(IPNS 8 August) This news service has just learned of a new breakthrough in evolutionary cosmogony. In an exclusive interview, a Modest Scientist (Ms), who prefers to remain anonymous, has revealed to Intoxicated Press correspondents that the Big Bang is now understood to be a super dooper nova event in Hyperverse (HV). Ms. Ms, who has a Master in Sigh-ence (Ms) says that the new theory is evolutionary in nature since the cosmological principle (CP) of Big Bang advocates and the perfect cosmological principle (PCP) of Steady State advocates have been superceded by the most perfect cosmological principle of Isms in HV. Ism is (Ms. Ms, Ms)'s catchy phrase for the HV equivalent of Being. (Ms)**3 asserts that cosmologists in our universe will be aided by this new knowledge since we now understand that we are a local phenomenon in HV, CP is subordinated to MPCP and the need to do away with the edges of the universe disappears. Thus it is reasonable to straighten out space and return to Euclidean way of looking at things. With a giggle that sounded quite profound, Ms. Ms went on to explain that curvature of space is not required in HV. MPCP states that not only are all observers in space equal as in CP or additionally in time as in PCP but also that when observations are made simultaneously in past, present, future and across space, they will be consistent. (Ms)**3 theorizes that Isms probably have only moderate sense and make all observations with ESP which, of course, spans space and time. When asked how she managed to derive such an elegent theory Ms mused that if she had seen farther than her peers, it was because she had been looking across their shoulders towards the heavens while for the most part they had had their faces stuck in the pillow. On a personal note, Ms is unmarried but presently has a boy friend and two puppies and a kitten by a former marriage. She also enjoys chess and skiing.