[net.physics] Cranks and Jeremy Bernstein

neveu@lll-crg.ARpA (Charles Neveu) (10/29/85)

Not wanting to add to the already undeservedly large number of
postings on Newman's Energy Machine, I have been hesitant to post
this, but seeing that the traffic has not abatted, it seems
appropriate to do so now.

These are excerpts from an article by Jeremy Bernstein, from Science
Observed: Essays Out of my Mind. Emphasis in the original is denoted
by *'s. I have included those parts which I think are relevant or
humorous, and if I have inadvertently violated copyright laws, let me
make amends by enthusiastically recommending the book.
_________________________________________________________________________

[For many] years I went about my business in physics without
encountering much more than a tiny trickle of cranks; that is, until I
began to write about science for the general public and, above all,
after I had written a popular article about Einstein and the theory of
relatively for the New Yorker.  [...]
One evening, about a year ago, the phone rang in my apartment. It was
a long distance call from somewhere in the Southwest, and it was from
a gentleman whom I will refer to as A. [...] A began the conversation
after verifying that I was the author of a certain book about the
theory of elementary particles. He proclaimed that, in his opinion
this book was one of the greatest contributions to modern thought
since Newton's Principia. *My* thought was, "What does this one want?"
It soon became clear what he wanted. He had written, he informed me, a
massive, as yet unpublished treatise in which was solved each and
every problem that remained unsolved by my book (a hallmark of crank
manuscripts is that they solve *everything*), and that furthermore,
and for good measure, it contained a theory of the origin of the moon.
(I though of saying "Your beloved homeland?" but a second hallmark of
cranks is tht they are humorless.) Needless to say, he wanted me to
read this document and to send him a commentary. [...]
In the first place, no crank wants, or will accept, an honest
criticism of anything. He has solved the "problem," whatever it is,
and is looking for an endorsement. Even agreeing to accept, let alone
comment on, such a manuscript opens open up to endless trouble. 
[...] (A third hallmark of the crank is that he is sure that everyone is
out to steal his ideas.)  [Bernstein politely refuses to read the
manuscript. Six months later, A's friend B calls] [B ] informed me
that his friend A had read my book and regarded it as the greatest
contribution to human though since...et cetera. He also told me that
A's theory of the formation of the moon would soon hit the press,
where it would make front-page news. (A fourth hallmark of the crank
is that he is determined to bring the newspapers in somehow.)
[...] Again, I said to B that under no circumstances would I read A's
book, and goodbye. But that did not end the matter. Only a few weeks
ago I received a letter from A informing me that reading his book
should be comparatively simple for me, since it "includes about 25%
drawings and plates." [...]
I sometimes have the following fantasy. It is the year 1905 and I am a
professor of physics at the University of Bern. The phone rings, and
a person I have never heard of identifies himself as a patent examiner
in the Swiss National Patent Office. [...]
	Suppose I had had the good sense to ask the fellow for a reprint
of his recently published paper "Zur Elektrodunamik bewegter Korper"
(The Electrodynamics of Moving Bodies"). How could I have told that
this was not a crank paper with a crank theory? There are, I think, at
least two clues. In the first place, the theory -- the special theory
of relativity in this instance -- satisfies what Niels Bohr later
called, in a more general context, the correspondence principle. The
relativity theory generalizes Newtonian mechanics, but, after all,
Newton's mechanics works marvelously well for a vast domain of
phenomena. Hence there must be some limit in which the two theories
merge -- or "correspond." [...] Crank theories, when they are theories
at all -- an important point to which I will return -- usually start
and end in midair. They do not connect in any way with things that are
known. [...]
	The second clue I have alluded to above: It is that, in the phrase
of [Wolfgang] Pauli, crank theories "aren't even wrong." I have
never yet seen a crank physics theory that offered a novel
quantitative prediction that could be either verified or falsified. It
is usually awash in a garble of verbiage with terms like "energy,"
"field," "particle," "mass," and God knows what, all festooned like
Christmas decorations. [...] Einstein's 1905 paper may at first sight
appear to be bizarre, but it is full of predictions. The whole thing
is crying out to be tested in laboratories.
[...]
________________________________________________________________________

Scientific Cranks: How To Recognize  One and What to Do Until the
Doctor Arrives" by Jeremy Bernstein in American Scholar, Winter
1977-78, Volume 47, No. 1.

The usual disclaimer that these are my opinions and not necessarily
those of Lawrence Livermore National Laboratories or anyone else.

dgary@ecsvax.UUCP (D Gary Grady) (10/31/85)

> These are excerpts from an article by Jeremy Bernstein, from Science
> Observed: Essays Out of my Mind.
> One evening, about a year ago, the phone rang in my apartment. It was
. . .
> It soon became clear what he wanted. He had written, he informed me, a
> massive, as yet unpublished treatise in which was solved each and
> every problem that remained unsolved by my book (a hallmark of crank
> manuscripts is that they solve *everything*), and that furthermore,
> and for good measure, it contained a theory of the origin of the moon.
> (I thought of saying "Your beloved homeland?" . . .

I'm reminded that Arthur C. Clarke has also written of his difficulties
with cranks, who generally write him letters rather than telephoning
(one of the advantages of living in Sri Lanka, no doubt).  He came up
with his solution seredipitously.  He would awaken in the middle of the
night with the idea of the Great Terran Novel and write it all down,
only to discover in the morning that the prepositions and articles were
all perfectly legible, but the important nouns and verbs were mere
scribbles.  So he would answer cranks with a letter reading something
like this:

Dear Mr. scribble,

I was very scribble to receive your most scribble scribble.  I was
impressed by the scribble, especially the scribble part.  However, I
regret that I am scribble to give this work the scribble it so richly
scribble.  I am therefore scribbling you to scribble as soon as possible
to [this printed clearly]

	Dr Isaac Asimov
	[. . .]
	New York, New York

To change the subject slightly, I once got a booklet from a crank who
had developed a theory of "revrotation" that, of course, explained
everything in terms of turning.  One of his laws was that "all objects
are simultaneously turning in two directions."  The proof of this
proposition, he announced, is that "if you are standing on the North
Pole then the Earth is rotating counterclockwise, but if you are
standing on the South Pole then it is rotating clockwise."
-- 
D Gary Grady
Duke U Comp Center, Durham, NC  27706
(919) 684-3695
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