kenw@lcuxc.UUCP (K Wolman) (01/10/85)
MILLER LITE BEER COMMERCIAL
Winter scene. Distance shot of gravedigger working in
cemetary. Camera zooms in on Richie Hebner, premiere
Chicago Cubs benchwarmer, who works in offseason as
gravedigger. HEBNER puts down shovel and addresses camera:
HEBNER: Y'know, when people find out I'm a bone-burier in
the off-season, they ask me, "Hey, jerk, what's harder,
tryin' to pinchhit against Dwight Gooden on a hot day in
August or puttin' a stiff under the deck on a cold day in
Boston?" Lemme tell, that kid's fastball is murder, but
buryin' bones is worse! That's why, after every funeral, I
relax with a half-keg of LITE BEER FROM MILLER. It's less
filling, tastes great, and leaves me lean 'n' mean for
Spring Training!
[Rumblings from the ground]
HEBNER: Hey, what the hell is that?!
[RODNEY DANGERFIELD rises from the grave.]
RODNEY: Whatsamatta, Richie, ya look like ya seen a real
live one!
HEBNER: YAAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH!
[HEBNER passes out, falls into open grave. RODNEY
starts to bury him.]
RODNEY: I tell ya, this guy is the worst. Not only is he a
lousy fielder and worse hitter, he can't even dig a grave
with square corners.
--
Ken Wolman
Bell Communications Research @ Livingston
lcuxc!kenw
(201) 740-4565
("My doctorate's in Literature, but that feels like a pretty
good pulse to me. . . .")