ryan@fremen.DEC (Mike Ryan DTN 264-8280 MK01-2/H32) (06/18/85)
Real Baseball Fans complain loudly about cold hot dogs for $1.30 and
warm beer for $1.60.
Real Baseball Fans shell out more money on cold hot dogs and warm beer
during a game than a front-row box seat would cost.
Real Baseball Fans don't vote for the All-Star teams.
Real Baseball Fans love Real Baseball Parks (Fenway, Wrigley).
Real Baseball Fans believe God intended baseball to be played in open air and
bright sunshine on real grass.
Real Baseball Fans do NOT participate in the Wave.
Real Baseball Fans can relieve themselves and buy a beer in (exactly) the
time it takes for a relief pitcher to come in and complete his
practice throws.
Real Baseball Fans take in every pitch, except when too busy arguing whether
the last play was a hit or an error.
Mike Ryan
ARPA: ryan%fremen.DEC@DECWRL.ARPA
UUCP: {decvax,allegra,ihnp4,ucbvax,...}!decwrl!dec-rhea!dec-fremen!ryandavid@fisher.UUCP (David Rubin) (06/24/85)
[Elaborating on Mike Ryan's posting:] > Real Baseball Fans complain loudly about cold hot dogs for $1.30 and > warm beer for $1.60. > Real Baseball Fans shell out more money on cold hot dogs and warm beer > during a game than a front-row box seat would cost. This certainly isn't peculiar to REAL baseball fans. Real Baseball Fans show up for batting practice before a night game, and have to buy dinner at the park, compounding the problem, though. > Real Baseball Fans don't vote for the All-Star teams. Real Baseball Fans DO vote for All-Star teams (see my other posting of this date). They just ignore the ballots of Unreal Baseball Fans. > Real Baseball Fans love Real Baseball Parks (Fenway, Wrigley). If Wrigley is the Esmarelda of baseball parks, then Fenway is the hunchback of Notre Dame -- misshapen and distorted. (I think I'm about to get some mail...) > Real Baseball Fans believe God intended baseball to be played in open air and > bright sunshine on real grass. Real Baseball Fans believe God intended the working man to attend ball games any day of the week. It appears, then, that God has provided us with yet another dilemma. > Real Baseball Fans do NOT participate in the Wave. Bravo! Amen! DOWN IN FRONT!!!!!! > Real Baseball Fans can relieve themselves and buy a beer in (exactly) the > time it takes for a relief pitcher to come in and complete his > practice throws. Real Baseball Fans must do this very quickly indeed, as they wouldn't miss the most important managerial decision (leave him in, take him out) of the game. From the time the bullpen is signalled till the next pitch is thrown leaves you at most a minute and a half to do all this, competing with thousands of other real and unreal fans for beer and urinal. Real Baseball Fans bring a change of underwear, then. > Real Baseball Fans take in every pitch, except when too busy arguing whether > the last play was a hit or an error. Real Baseball Fans make exceptions when struggling to see who's starting to warm up or who's starting to loosen up in the dugout... DOWN IN FRONT!!!! Damn waves! David Rubin {allegra|astrovax|princeton}!fisher!david