rick@rochester.UUCP (Rick Floyd) (02/10/84)
About 2 weeks ago I posted a note asking for justification for the statement: "If this group can prevent one suicide, then it is worth every bit of computer space and time and communications cost used!" I did this for 2 reasons: [1] To generate discussion in what I consider to be a potentially useful newsgroup that has been far too quiet in recent months. [2] As a reaction to what I felt to be a hopelessly optimistic statement. The mail that I received ranged from violent flames to thoughtful discussions on suicide. To the flamers I can only say that, while the author meant well, I would expect the reaction of someone who was seriously depressed to be, if anything, even more negative than mine. I base this on memories of the way that I have viewed the world when I have been (dare I say it?) suicidal, and on what I have been able to piece together of the thoughts and feelings of a friend back West who committed suicide a few weeks ago. The problem with the statement is that, for someone who is suicidally depressed, life is, by definition, not worth living. To them, life is worth NOTHING. I am willing to take as a given the importance of preventing suicides (although I would make an exception for the terminally ill). I base this on my judgement (entirely non-professional) that most suicides are the result of depression, that depression is an *illness* that often responds to treatment, and that someone who is seriously ill is in no condition to make life and death decisions. The acceptance of depression as a mental illness (with all of the attached societal stigma), combined with general feelings of hoplessness, makes it particularly hard for suffers to seek help (even from friends). This brings up two questions: "Why do people get depressed?" and "How can we help someone who is depressed?" I don't know the answer to either question. I can just make personal observations, along with assurances that they are wrong (or at least superficial). For me, depression can be caused by any of a wide variety of things, the interaction of which is a mystery to me. It can be something as major as the breakup of a long-term close relationship, or as minor as someone cutting me off at an intersection. The common factor seems to be failed expectations. I expected (or at least hoped) that this relationship would last, and that people would be as polite to me as I try to be to them. I expected to be able to rewrite the UNIX kernel in a weekend. I expected to be rich and famous by now (send contributions to the address below). And once depression starts, it feeds upon itself. It becomes very easy not to do things, and to minimize things that go right or that are fun. And because nothings is getting done, nothing is going right and nothing is fun anymore, I get depressed. And so on... So, how to help? For serious depression, the best answer is, of course "Get good professional help. Now!". Most people (including myself) will ignore this advice. And it's not clear how much help encouragement and support from friends is to someone who is depressed. It's just something else to minimize (the "They don't know the real me." syndrome). What I do find helps is doing something (anything), no matter how small. In fact, the smaller it is, the greater the chance that I won't feel that it's too much to cope with. Talking to someone helps (even if just because I have to think more clearly about something to verbalize it). Writing down my feelings and thoughts helps. It's amazing how different things look on paper. Coming up with rebuttals to negative thoughts that I wrote down helps. This all probably sounds pretty silly. After years of doing this periodically, I recently ran across a paperback: "Feeling Good: the New Mood Therapy" by David Burns which presents a number of techniques for dealing with depression, including all of the above. Although it seems overly inspirational at times (I felt like I was supposed to jump up and shout "Praise the Lord!" - and you may remember what I said about religious arguments), I recommend it to anyone trying to deal with depression. rick floyd uucp: (seismo | allegra)!rochester!rick arpa: rick@rochester "Have you hugged my T-shirt today?"