ken@turtlevax.UUCP (Ken Turkowski) (01/17/85)
I normally don't read this group, so excuse me if this has been brought
up before.
I just found out that a friend of mine committed suicide last July. I
suspect taht I should have kept better contact with him, but
occasionally I get caught up in big hacking projects or whatever, so
it's sometimes several months before I try to re-establish contact.
Losing a friend like this is like losing a big bundle in investments.
You invest your quality time and build better friendships out of them.
I'd like to not lose an investment like that again, so I'm asking:
Are there any signs that I should watch out for? How can I tell if
someone I know is having suicidal tendencies? Suppose s/he does have
these signs, how do I help stabilize them?
--
Ken Turkowski @ CADLINC, Menlo Park, CA
UUCP: {amd,decwrl,nsc,seismo,spar}!turtlevax!ken
ARPA: turtlevax!ken@DECWRL.ARPAmjc@cmu-cs-cad.ARPA (Monica Cellio) (01/19/85)
From: turtlevax!ken@DECWRL.ARPA (Ken Turkowski) >Are there any signs that I should watch out for? How can I tell if >someone I know is having suicidal tendencies? Suppose s/he does have >these signs, how do I help stabilize them? The LASPC people out there can do a much better job of this, but a few that I recall are: - talking about it (too many people take this to mean that the person isn't serious -- "if he really wanted to do it he wouldn't talk about it first") - other talk down the lines of "things would be better for everyone else if I wasn't here" - any preparations for death, such as suddenly drawing up a will and taking out a life insurance policy (of course, doing these things does not mean that the person in question is sucidal, but if the person is young and these happen in conjunction with other signs...) - sudden changes in behavior that can't be explained by other things, especially "the calm before the storm" if the person has talked about suicide I think the best thing to do is talk to the person. Don't tell him "You'll snap out of it"; show him that you understand and that you really care about him. Don't hover over him or follow him around everywhere, but let him know you're there if he wants to talk. Don't be afraid to ask, "are you feeling depressed?". Contrary to popular belief, talking about it will *not* spur a person on or "put ideas in his head". The ideas are already there; talking about them can sometimes make life seem like far less of a crisis. I don't know where turtlevax is, but if it's near any large city there is probably a crisis hotline of some sort there. They can give you more information. Hope this helps. -Dragon -- UUCP: ...ucbvax!dual!lll-crg!dragon ARPA: monica.cellio@cmu-cs-cad or dragon@lll-crg
scd@aaaaaa.UUCP (X) (01/19/85)
> I normally don't read this group, so excuse me if this has been brought > up before. > > I just found out that a friend of mine committed suicide last July. I > suspect taht I should have kept better contact with him, but > occasionally I get caught up in big hacking projects or whatever, so > it's sometimes several months before I try to re-establish contact. > > Losing a friend like this is like losing a big bundle in investments. > You invest your quality time and build better friendships out of them. > I'd like to not lose an investment like that again, so I'm asking: > > Are there any signs that I should watch out for? How can I tell if > someone I know is having suicidal tendencies? Suppose s/he does have > these signs, how do I help stabilize them? > -- > > Ken Turkowski @ CADLINC, Menlo Park, CA > UUCP: {amd,decwrl,nsc,seismo,spar}!turtlevax!ken > ARPA: turtlevax!ken@DECWRL.ARPA Please respect my privacy and do not attempt to trace the origin of this entry. I was, at one point in my life, extremely suicidal. NOTHING my friends could have said or done would have stopped me (I won't here go into what did). If your friend was anything like me, you couldn't have done a damned thing. So don't kick yourself.
ebh@hou4b.UUCP (Ed Horch) (01/22/85)
> [Ken Turkowski] > I just found out that a friend of mine committed suicide last July. > It's sometimes several months before I try to re-establish contact. > Are there any signs that I should watch out for? I only quoted these three segments of your article, since I believe they demonstrate the unique and difficult situation you were in here. Suicide, being the impulsive act that it is, is hard enough to anticipate, without the distance problem. The signs of an impending attempt are very subtle, and easy to miss, even when you're in constant contact with the victim. My advice is this: Watch for changes in the way someone talks about himself. We're not too worried that a certain regular contributor to net.singles will do something like this, even though we have read so many of his "God I'm the scum of the earth" messages. I would be worried if all of a sudden we read "Well, I guess everything's all fixed up now," and we never heard from him again. When someone who's normally not vocal about depression or poor self- image or the like becomes so, or they mention the idea of suicide, especially if this is the kind of communication that only occurs a few times a year, take notice. When you're thinking about suicide, it's very easy to talk about it in a letter, as compared with telling someone face to face. At that point you should call them up, if possible, and say "Hey look, what you wrote was pretty heavy; want to tell me what's going on?" I'll warn you, though, it's almost never that easy. Just like what happened, you won't normally get hit over the head with something like this, until it's too late. You have to read between the lines of the letters you get, and maybe be a little psychic. My example above can occur when someone who has been contemplating suicide finally decides to go ahead with it, and is secure in the knowledge that it'll all be over soon. This is even more serious than the initial mention, because an attempt is more imminent, and usually more serious. I'll finish by reiterating what I said before: if you think someone with whom you're corresponding is thinking about suicide, CALL THEM. Don't think that you have enough time to mail another letter. It may never get read. -Ed Horch {ihnp4,akgua,houxm}!hou4b!ebh
hollombe@ttidcc.UUCP (Jerry Hollombe) (01/22/85)
>From: ken@turtlevax.UUCP (Ken Turkowski) >Subject: suicidal tendencies >Message-ID: <634@turtlevax.UUCP> > >Are there any signs that I should watch out for? How can I tell if >someone I know is having suicidal tendencies? Suppose s/he does have >these signs, how do I help stabilize them? 1. Who to watch for: High risk populations (in no particular order): Male teenagers Alcoholics (especially adult male alcoholics) Older men People with prior histories of suicide attempts 2. What to watch for: Sudden change in mood. Sudden calm after a period of depression and/or dispair. Giving away personal possessions. Clues in speech (comments about troubles ending soon, out of context farewells, etc.) 3. What to do: Be supportive. Contact friends, relatives, and SO's in general to form a support group for the person (don't try to do it alone, you'll burn out). Recommend counseling or therapy. Refer to professional help or at least local hotlines. Don't be afraid to discuss the situation or mention suicide. 4. For yourself: You are NOT responsible for another person's life decisions. If you care about them, then do what you can for them. If they kill themselves anyway, that is their decision and you are not at fault. Trained professionals can frequently miss tell-tale signs of suicidal behavior (hindsight is a terrible thing). You can not read other people's minds. I may have left out a few minor things, but these are the basics. Hope they're helpful. BTW, don't panic if you think you see some of these signs in a person you know. Some of the above symptoms turn up as ordinary behavior in people who aren't remotely suicidal. Talk to the person. Find out what's going on with them lately and over the last few weeks/months. Probably everything's ok. Possibly you can prevent or aleviate some grief. -- ============================================================================== ... sitting in a pile of junk on the runway, wondering what happened ... The Polymath (Jerry Hollombe) Citicorp TTI If thy CRT offend thee, pluck 3100 Ocean Park Blvd. it out and cast it from thee. Santa Monica, California 90405 (213) 450-9111, ext. 2483 {vortex,philabs}!ttidca!ttidcc!hollombe