barryg@sdcrdcf.UUCP (Barry Gold) (01/20/85)
Some years ago one of our friends decided to commit suicide (because of a romance gone sour). He was going to do it immediately. His apartment mate (a male friend) suggested he might prefer an audience, and got him toi make up a set of (black bordered) announcement cards, which he drove around town depositing in people's mail boxes. I noticed ours the next morning, called the guy up, and asked if it were a joke. He said, that no, he was indeed planning to jump off an airport hotel roof on noon that day. I told him I would be personally offended if he left his apartment before I got a chance to talk to him, that I'd already lost one dear friend that year (due to a STUPID home accident) and objected on purely selfish grounds to losing another. And then called up a number of other people. We ended up having a "party" of most of the guy's friends. We didn't try to tell him that life was wonderful. We DID tell him that we were going to be vicious and mean and not let him get anywhere near the door or windows. We also did normal party-type stuff, including introducing him to a new roleplaying game (one of his hobbies). And told him we liked him. He was awfully imprssed by our concern, and eventually decided not to commit suicide after all. At which point the thing turned into a normal party, and went on for the rest of the day. He's now happily married (to another girl). And some of us still remember the Suicide Party as the time we first heard of Runequest. In short, I think that Monica's approach (which I'll paraphrase as -- tell them not to commit suicide because I don't want them to do so) can work. Suicide's effect on a group of friends is terrible. Setting aside the guilt/concern that your friend was that unhappy and you ignored it and didn't help him, setting aside the fact that you'll never be able to interact with that friend again,...there's also the fact that (as C S Lewis mentioned in THE FOUR LOVES) a friend's loss also loses you those aspects he brought out in all your other friends. People who lose a friend lose also a part of themselves and a part of all their other friends as well. --Lee Gold
annab@azure.UUCP (A Beaver) (01/22/85)
> References: <634@turtlevax.UUCP> <757@aaaaaa.UUCP> <1690@sdcrdcf.UUCP> > Some years ago one of our friends decided to commit suicide (because of a > > We ended up having a "party" of most of the guy's friends. We didn't try > to tell him that life was wonderful. We DID tell him that we were going to > be vicious and mean and not let him get anywhere near the door or windows. > We also did normal party-type stuff, including introducing him to a new > roleplaying game (one of his hobbies). And told him we liked him. > > He was awfully imprssed by our concern, and eventually decided not to > commit suicide after all. At which point the thing turned into a normal > party, and went on for the rest of the day. > > --Lee Gold I had a similar experience, Just about the time I turned 25, I found out that my brother (2yrs younger) had eaten about 25 valliums(sp?) in more of a cry for help than anything else(I was told just get real sick with them, as he did.) My brother was a single parent, (his wife had left him with a 1 1/2 year old boy she didn't want) and he had lost his driver's licence and was fired from his job.(he had to have the licence to work the job) I realized that I had kind of lost touch with him and hadn't really talked with him for a while. It happens that our grandmother had left us savings accounts in a bank in Tacoma, Wash. , that we couldn't touch until we turned 25. So I planned to drive up and get it out and asked my brother to come along as a relief driver. It gave us ample oportunity to talk, as we kept each other awake and I got to get in a few 'sisterly' suggestions. I also ended up lending him $100. of the $186. that was in the savings. We partied on the rest of it and I broke out even on the trip. No, actually, I came out way ahead. My brother got some insurance for his car and got his licence back. And the same week, a friend of his got him a job working in a lumber yard. (he still works there) The next year he made me a real nice linen chest ( I wouldn't let him pay me back, he insisted) and now he and his 9yr old son live with a real nice lady and her daughter. The thing that still gets me is that we never really thought we liked each other(you know how brothers and sisters argue) until we had a need to help each other.( I had been going through what I thought was too much, till I talked with him that weekend) I found out that I had it pretty good in comparison and realized what a nice guy my brother really was. This ones for keeps. Annadiana Beaver