gvg@hp-pcd.UUCP (gvg) (04/07/85)
> Nothing against sympathy, but TOO much is damaging. In fact, it can be > suffocating. It took me along time to realize it, but I have found that "sympathy" can be a most curious form of aggression. I think it is instinctive for people to seek the `upper hand' over others; some are worse about this than others, of course. (It becomes very understandable when you consider how unpleasant it is NOT to have the upper hand!) And who can you feel more superior to than someone who needs sympathy? The really NASTY thing about some of the strange situations I have found myself in is that people who have encouraged me to express my feelings sometimes end up using my words against me again. And what is particularly startling about all of this is that there is no conscious malice involved ... simply an inability to think things through or see clearly what they are doing. And they act totally surprised when they find that I want nothing to do with them. I keep notes on 3x5 cards on thoughts I have. Some of the more relavant: "People are very perceptive of your weaknesses. They may not necessarily exploit them, but they will form value judgements on them." "A crutch cripples you if you can walk without it ..." ... and, in the end, you might find you never needed it in the first place. Forgive my lecturing ... if it seems pompous or patronizing, let me know... Regards - GV Goebel hplabs!hp-pcd!gvg Monday, 15 April 1985
gvg@hp-pcd.UUCP (gvg) (04/07/85)
PS: I work in a factory; almost every night I walk out the back gate, and
talk to the gate guard who sits in the guard shack. I'm 32; he's 51. He's
probably the only person who I express myself unguardly to - or at least,
as unguardedly as I am willing to be.
And the reason is: we both think all the crazy and silly things that happen
every day are hilarious. We never give each other any sympathy, we just
laugh ... sometimes we howl, as a matter of fact.
Oddly enough, that seems to be just about the best sympathy there is...
Regards - GVG