uggworek@sunybcs.UUCP (Donald Gworek) (04/09/85)
Today's the first time I peeked into this newsgroup, but I've been curious about it for the longest time. I recognized someone's name (I'll post the club information you ask for--in a different net--soon) and thought I'd share some thoughts. I have a penpal in Rochester and we write each other about twice a week. He's my closest friend, and one quality I admire the most is his total lack of sympathy. Often, when you share a deep dark secret with friends, your friends start to treat you differently. It is very damaging to be treated like a basket case, when you intended only to CONFIDE a fear. Nothing against sympathy, but TOO much is damaging. In fact, it can be suffocating. I had a brush with depression last Fall, and everytime I started to feel good about myself and my work, I would meet up with a friend oozing with "oh, you poor thing" and that friend's good intentions and wanting to help out, made me feel inferior and put me right back into low feelings and poor self-respect again. I call it the "Zelig" syndrome. Becoming like your enviornment. Around people who did not know of my suicidal thoughts, I felt GREAT and well. Around people who I confided those thoughts, I COULD NOT prove to them that I was getting better. I WAS getting better, but they could not see it and regarded every word as CHARGED with sickness. Yaaah! Finally, I told them to FO. Sheesh! So, back to my penpal. I can confide anything and everything with him. And he still treats me as an individual. I don't know what I'd do without him. Taking a step back, it seems that I get self-analysis when I write about nagging fears and problems. I get the troubles down clearly on paper and once the problems are outlined, I can see the ways to solve them. MY fear of posting to this net in days gone by has been concern that my professors and classmates would start to be nervous, uptight, and jumpy, in my presence. And jitters in those around me would DAMAGE any recovery I was making, out of depression. That was MY fear of posting on this net. That friends would start to treat me like a basket case, and then I WOULD BECOME a basket case. Zelig syndrome. Oh well. That was last Fall. Depression. Hope that's a surprise to any friends reading this. Anyhow, I think a lot of people don't post to net.suicide because they fear the posting will be used against them or that friends who read it will treat them differently. It was my fear. Anyone elses???? -- Don Gworek