aeq@pucc-h (Jeff Sargent) (01/18/86)
I tried to post this some months ago, but news was not flowing out of here at the time, so I saved a copy. I'm cleaning out some old files, and I thought I'd give this article another shot. >From entropy@fluke.UUCP (Terrence J. Mason): > I have a friend who is suicidal from time to time and my ignorance of this > aspect of human behavior limits my desire to help to such things as being > available to 'talk it over' and recommending counseling.... > Can we, in a delicate but sincere manner, discuss suicide. I mean the > motivations for it, its relation (or lack of one) to mental or physical > disorders, how friends have or should deal with the situation. I think your being available is one thing that will help your friend. I frequently thought about suicide when I was in my mid- and late teens and early 20's, and it helped to have friends with whom to talk out the worst of the pain. The one time when I was actually deliberately planning to kill myself (when I was 16), I think one thing that bolstered my determination to do myself in was the feeling that I was utterly alone; fortunately, when I was able to get in touch with that feeling and have a good cry, the edge was taken off my suicidal depression (oh yes, I was extremely depressed), and I abandoned my plans of suicide. Even now, at age 30, I still think about it now and then, though I'm rarely really depressed any more (in a way, I sort of miss it...self-pity can be fun). Nowadays the guise it takes is the idea of escape; escape from all the decisions and vicissitudes of life. But the underlying problem appears to be the same, no matter what one's conscious motive: One does not believe in oneself, does not love oneself -- perhaps even could be considered to hate oneself (after all, one is considering murdering someone, who just happens to be oneself). In my teens the problem was feeling 100% worthless. Nowadays it's still a case of feeling insufficient to fight life's battles *and win*, and expecting to be once again rejected and alone if I fail. My childhood did not do well at engendering the belief that people will still love you and believe in you even if you do screw up. So my advice to you is: As best you can, love your suicidal friend and show him/her that you believe in them. Marathon hugs can be excellent therapy. Take some initiative in caring for the person -- i.e., don't merely be available in a crisis, but try to make a point of including the person in your life, e.g. inviting them to share meals with you. Do your best to help the person know in their guts that they are loved, wanted, and worthwhile. -- Jeff Sargent {decvax|harpo|ihnp4|inuxc|ucbvax}!pur-ee!pucc-h!aeq
pooh@unirot.UUCP (Pooh) (01/21/86)
I agree with Jeff that one of the best things you can do for
a potentially suicidal friend is to be there for him and take
the initiative in showing you care.
Another thing you can do, if you suspect he's thinking of killing
himself, is to come out and ASK. Don't be afraid. Sometimes a
suicidal person is waiting for a friend who can say the words that
he can't get out. If he's not thinking about it, great, and no
harm done. If he is, this can be a good chance to let him talk
about his feelings BEFORE they fester into something that has to
be acted upon.
Cheers,
Pooh topaz!unipress!pooh
topaz!unirot!pooh
"Demented and sad, but social."pamp@bcsaic.UUCP (pam pincha) (01/23/86)
In article <290@unirot.UUCP> pooh@unirot.UUCP (Pooh) writes: >I agree with Jeff that one of the best things you can do for >a potentially suicidal friend is to be there for him and take >the initiative in showing you care. > >Another thing you can do, if you suspect he's thinking of killing >himself, is to come out and ASK. Don't be afraid. Sometimes a >suicidal person is waiting for a friend who can say the words that >he can't get out. If he's not thinking about it, great, and no >harm done. If he is, this can be a good chance to let him talk >about his feelings BEFORE they fester into something that has to >be acted upon. I also agree with this discussion-- especially the aspect about being there and giving big,long hugs. I know that during the times that I was the furthest down one of my biggest problems was that there was no one to hug or to hug back (Teddy Bears help but even they aren't enough.). The craving for a simple human toch was unbearable at times, and seemed to futher the feelings of self-doubt and hate. You'd be suprised just how much it helps. (Really, that Dr.Leo Buscalia (sp?) is on the right track with his "hug therapy".) P.M.Pincha-Wagener