[net.suicide] Hugs and prevention

fcarmody@udenva.UUCP (Prince Caspian) (02/15/86)

Often, this can do much more for a depressed person than verbal encouragement ever could... I have often thought to myself that one reason this works out this 
way is that it is very difficult to convey false impressions by touch, or 
"touch does not lie".  So a person might not believe that you care when you 
*say* things ("Oh, you're just saying that to make me feel better, you don't
mean it...")   

   But if you open your arms to a depressed friend, and *hold* them for a while,it becomes a kind of elemental safety.  Everybody needs a shoulder now and then.Some are silent, some have tears, some even fall asleep that way.  All of those
are responses to be encouraged.  They all lead to releases of a sort in the 
emotions.  

   I also remember an unusual thing that helped me out of a suicidal depression
a few years ago.  I had a lot of irrational guilt to deal with back then.  
Part of the reason suicide seemed attractive to me at the time was my
stubborn belligerence: I didn't think anybody gave a damn what happened to me.
The mother in the family I was staying with showed me otherwise.  In addition
to hugs and other things, I learned a lot about security through the FIRMNESS
in her love.  When she caught me being self-deprecating or destructive, she 
SCOLDED me for it, and *then* she would hug me.  Once when all the irrational
guilt just got to be too much, she was even willing to spank me....
(I was seventeen at the time)  That spanking changed my veiw of things
considerably for the better.  A lot of depressed teens get that way because 
parents, teachers, etc. aren't willing to discipline them firmly enough. 
I know from experience, I had those feelings for years.

A word to the wise: Don't stand on social conventions when someone is 
seriously depressed.  Work by gut instinct if you have to.  I've been in
situations where I was depressed from guilt and fear, and I didn't want
to be hugged....I wanted to be *slapped*, because I knew I was way out 
of line.  It happens.  Anybody else been there?

In His Grace, Caspian


-- 

- Prince Caspian of Narnia, AKA Francis X. Carmody
Electronic Adress (UUcp only:{hplabs,seismo}!hao!udenva!fcarmody}
OR: {boulder,cires,denelcor,cisden}!udenva!fcarmody
The above opinions are my own, noone else in the known galaxy should be held responsable, except in the rare cases where they coincide with the opinions of Almighty God... In the above case, any disagreement with said opinions should be refferred directly to Him....
:w