markp@tekmdp.UUCP (Mark Paulin) (09/20/83)
You mean besides writing "Suicide is Painless" and playing "Captain Spaulding" in "M*A*S*H"? Well, he has made several albums, my favorite of which is "Attempted Mustache". It contains "A Clockwork Chartreuse", "I am The Way", "Long Black Car", "The Swimming Hole", "Down Drinkin' in a Bar", and, among still others, my favorite: -- "The Man who Couldn't Cry" -- There once was a man who just couldn't cry. He hadn't cried for years and for years. Napalmed babies, and the movie "Love Story", for instance could not produce tears. As a child he had cried, as all children will. Then one day his tear-ducts ran dry. He grew to be a man, the feces hit the fan. Things got BAD, but he still couldn't cry. His dog got run over, his wife up and left him. After that he got sacked from his job. Lost an arm in the war, was laughed at by a whore, but still not a sniffle or sob. His novel was refused, and his movie was panned. His big Broadway show was a flop. He was sent off to jail, you guessed it -- no bail, but still not a dribble or drop. In jail he was beaten, bullied and buggered, and made to made license plates. Water and bread were all he was fed, but not once did a tear stain his face. Doctors were called in, scientists too, theologians last and practically least. They all agreed sure enough, this was sure no cream-puff, but in fact an insensitive beast. He was let out of jail, and taken to a place for the insensitive and the insane. He played lots of chess, and made lots of "friends", and he wept every time it would rain. Once it rained forty days, and it rained forty nights. He cried and he cried and he cried and he cried. On the forty-first day he passed away. He just dehydrated and died. He went up to Heaven -- located his dog. Not only that but he rejoined his arm. Down below, all the critics they took it all back. Cancer robbed the whore of her charms. His ex-wife died of stretch-marks, his ex-employer went broke. The theologians were finally found out. Right down to the ground the prison burned down. The Earth suffered perpetual drought. That's the best I can do from memory -- as if anyone cared... I know this really belongs in net.music, but it started here, so here it is. Mark Paulin ...tektronix!tekmdp!markp