[net.tv] Bad sci-fi movie: THE ALIEN'S RETURN

wmartin@brl-tgr.ARPA (Will Martin ) (07/15/85)

Recently endured this movie, which I don't recall ever seeing before, or
seeing any reference to, on a local independent TV station (channel 30,
KDNL-TV, St. Louis, MO); this might mean it just came out in a syndication
package or something, and you all will get the chance to see it too.

Lucky you...

Nano-review: Gasp, choke, barf...

Probably the following contains   *** SPOILERS ***  (but how you can
spoil something already rotten I don't know... :-):

This movie has name stars: Cybill Shepherd, Jan-Michael Vincent, Martin
Landau, Raymond Burr. I thought it might actually have possibilities,
but, as I gazed in disbelief, I was disabused of that notion...

Technical detail: At least the print that was aired locally had a
defective sound track. The voices, especially in the first half of the
movie, were muffled and distorted; when you upped the volume enough to
hear them, the music blared out at a painful level.

Plot: alien spacecraft appears, imbues certain individuals with
mysterious rays, zaps a rock with a crystalline pattern, and disappears.
Comes back 25 years later, and does nothing... (Really; Cybill and
Jan-Michael get teleported into the spacecraft through a spacewarp-type
tunnel, and all that seems to happen to them is that they are then
beamed back to the ground a few feet from where they left. No big
deal... happens every day, right?) 

Best scene: Martin Landau, as a hick sheriff, violently overacting
(if Martin Landau grins and shouts, that is overacting, right?),
complaining about the pop-top holes in beer cans being too small to dunk
a do-nut through, and pouring beer over his do-nut instead.
[Having just read all the Space:1999 Landau discussion meant I just
*had* to post news of another Landau vehicle, right?] :-)

This movie gets into cattle mutilation in a big way, too....

Was this a tax-loss or something?

Regards, Will

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