[net.games.frp] Marlowe Toxin - Installment #3

twiss@stolaf.UUCP (Thomas S. Twiss) (04/20/84)

                       THE ADVENTURES OF CAPTAIN MARLOWE TOXIN



          Installment #3:   Nor Rhyme nor Reason, or A Nice Place to
          Visit...



               The Great Gate to the Dwarven caverns was immense.  All
          twenty-three of the party stood on a large stone welcome mat
          before the doorway.  The iron door itself was twenty feet wide
          and nearly thirty feet tall.  There was a seam in the middle--
          apparently it opened into two halves.  All around the entrance
          was the thick cover of the forest.  Even the path back to the
          shore was very narrow and barely visible in the dense foliage.
          The men stared with awe at this great portal.

               On its surface was carved a border all around the edge.  In
          the center were various groupings of ancient runes in many
          tongues.  Most of the messages on the door concerned trade rules
          and such.  Some were illegible.  Most were in languages unknown
          to anyone in the party, even Pelegor, the Wizard.

               "Do you know how to get it open, Porky?" Marlowe asked the
          scruffy Dwarf standing next to him.

               "Nope.  Ee don' think tho," he said unsuredly.

               "How about you, Pelegor?"

               "I'm afraid not.  Most of these runes are too ancient even
          for me to understand," said the Wizard.

               Marlowe turned to his men.  "Any ideas, men?" he yelled out.
          There were a few whispers, and one old seaman farted, but no-one
          spoke up.  So there they sat, unable to enter the Dwarven hall in
          Mt.Bresk.

               Suddenly Fluppenstimme jumped up.  "Ee remeember!" he cried.
          "Eeth uh rhyme, uf courthe."  Then he recited the rhyme:

               Thay the greeting in anthient tongue,
               Then trathe the letterth with thy bum.
               When you reech the shallow thpot, preth in:
               The opening protheth will begin.


               Pelegor immediately began to scan the door for the most
          ancient runes.  But after many hours of deep concentration and
          scrutiny, he gave up.

               "I have not learned enough of the ancient runes which are no
          longer used.  I am stumped."









                                          2


               At this the whole party was dismayed.  Everyone sat on the
          ground and made sad faces and pouted.  There were cries of "When
          do we get there?" and "I have to go potty!"  But Fluppenstimme
          was not complaining; he was busy concentrating, trying to
          remember any little detail which he might have forgotten.

               Just then a man walked out of the woods via their path.  As
          he stepped into the clearing he said: "Gorumba-gorumba Bali!"

               He was a medium-sized man, wearing only a loin cloth and a
          knife.  He smiled amiably and seemed entirely unafraid of the
          large group of men on the ground before him, sucking their
          thumbs.  He extended his right hand.

               Captain Marlowe stepped forward, extended his hand, and
          said, "Hello!  Who are you?"

               The man shook Marlowe's hand and said, "Barra se tulu gara
          wan."

               But before any more dialogue could transpire, Fluppenstimme
          cried out, "Hay, Coptaine!  Look!"

               Everyone turned to look at the dwarf.  They saw a large,
          glowing symbol-rune on the door.

               "Umboola gualli!  Umboola gualli!" said the man, but no one
          listened.

               "Hey, Wizard, get over there and start tracing!" barked
          Marlowe.

               A minute later Pelegor had found the depression and the
          doors were beginning to open.  The jungle-man watched with
          horror, screamed something to Marlowe, then turned and ran back
          into the woods.  The men lit torches and lanterns and entered the
          mountain.  The doors closed behind them...



               Inside the gateway it was very dark.  Even with the light of
          their torches and lanterns it took several minutes for their eyes
          to adjust.  In the resulting confusion, several men were badly
          burned and one ran ahead screaming into the darkness.  He was
          quickly silenced.  Eventually, however, Captain Marlowe was able
          to get the men in order.

               "O.K. men, listen up!"  His voice echoed back from the
          abyss.  "Me and Pelegor are gonna be in front.  Then Porky and
          Tok.  Sandaken and Karl will bring up the rear.  The rest of you
          get into two rows.  Look around you so you know who's near you.
          We will all be dependent upon one another to survive down here.
          Above all, don't panic.  As long as we stick together we can't
          get hurt.  Also, keep open communication.  We all need to rely on









                                          3


          each other.  Oh, and if anyone has to go potty, do it now.  We
          move out in five minutes."

               The men shuffled about, getting their things in order.
          Every sound seemed amplified.  Marlowe sat in the darkness,
          thinking.  He thought about the strange jungle-man who had
          greeted them outside.  He thought about the Evil Symbol.  Was it
          really worth it to travel so far from the harbor of Gildterdil?
          Was it really worth risking life, against great odds?  He felt
          nature call and got up, wandering in the direction of a wall. How
          was it that he'd gotten so far into this mess?  How could he be
          here, far, far, far, a long ways, from home?  Ah, yes,
          Fluppenstimme...That was how he'd gotten on this miserable quest.
          In his mind, Marlowe pictured the scene at the bar in Gildterdil
          last month...

               "Eh, mon," said a little voice.  "votch vot yer doin'!"

               Marlowe's daydream had been interrupted by tripping over
          Fluppenstimme who was seated on the floor of the Great Hall.

               "Whaddaya mean, 'Votch vot yer doin'?  It's pitch black in
          here."

               "Huh?  You can't thee in here?"

               "No!  You mean to tell me you can?!"

               "U'courthe!  All dwarfth can.  It'th how we can mine in the
          darkneth," said Fluppenstimme.

               "Well, why didn't you tell me a long time ago?  You'll be
          leadin' the way, shorty.  Say, tell me what this room looks
          like," said Marlowe as he sat down on the floor next to
          Fluppenstimme and made himself more comfortable.

               Fluppenstimme looked around at the high ceiling and the
          walls at the far side of this great chamber.  everything was
          ornately carved and covered with dwarvish runes and symbols.  He
          noticed a hallway directly in front of the party.  Thith mootht
          be an entranth hall uff thum thort, he thought.  The hallway
          before them was the only passage out of the large room they were
          in, save the doorway through which they'd entered.

               The dwarf explained these observations to the Captain.
          After he was done, the Captain stood and said, "O.K. men, we're
          ready to move.  One minor change: Porky'll be leading the way,
          since he can see in the dark.  Tok, I want you to keep a map of
          the passages and rooms--in case we get lost.  Now keep alert, and
          be ready to defend yourselves."

               Within a couple minutes the party was organized and heading
          towards the one hallway which lead from the chamber they were in.
          The only sound was the shuffling of feet and the dripping and









                                          4


          squeeking noises of the abyss which surrounded them.  No one
          could see more than ten or eleven feet except Fluppenstimme.
          Dread seeped from the rock and hovered in the air around them.
          Each of them felt a need to escape.  This place was
          simultaneously confining and exposing.  The men felt choked, yet
          vulnerable.

               They passed out of the great chamber and into the hallway.
          The walls were black and slimy.  They looked to have once been
          clean-carven, now eroded by moisture and years of untold wear.
          The passageway was at least fifteen feet wide and the ceiling
          high enough to accomodate the tallest of creatures.  The dwarves
          had not been modest in designing their structures.  Unfortunately
          for them, however, dragons tended to like their spacious sub-
          terranean condos, and more than a few times they were barbecued
          in their homes by the fiery beasts.

               The crew had walked a hundred yards or so when they entered
          another large hall.  Fluppenstimme described it to the men: It
          eeth fery, fery beegk, with columnth und archeth.  Thuh vallth
          are decorated weeth carfingkth und pothterth of der Dwarfkingk.
          Thuh far end of the hall ith a great platform, on top ith uh
          throne.  Thith mutht be where the people who vanted to trade
          weeth der dwarfth came to thpeek weeth der Kingk.

               "Do you have any idea where this Golden Rule is gonna be?"
          asked Marlowe.

               "There eeth uh rhyme, uf courthe, ath with all dwarfen
          thingkth:

               "Weetheen the horde oaf anthient treathure
               Liethe the thacred Goldten Rule;
               Take heed! Do not thuccumb to pleathure
               Of the eye, nor greed, but thcool
               Thy appetite to that
               Which Timeless Tombs doth meathure;
               Watthingk alwayth fire cruel,
               Being careful not to drool."


               "What does that mean?" asked Marlowe.

               "I suggest we go to the back of the hall to see if there are
          any clues," replied Pelegor.  Everyone seemed to think this was a
          fine idea, so they headed off across the great floor of this
          particularly great hall.

               No sooner had they begun to cross the great floor when
          Sandaken cried: "Hey, something just grabbed my shoes!"

               "Grabbed your shoes?!" yelled the Captain.  "How can
          something grab your shoes when you're standing up?"










                                          5


               Just then, something grabbed Marlowe's shoes.

               "Quick, everyone!" cried Pelegor.  "Bend over and hang on to
          your shoes!  We're being attacked by shoeliebers!"

               Everyone did as they were told, but it was too late. The
          shoeliebers scurried about in the dark, slipping off the group's
          shoes right under their very toeses.  Everyone's shoes were gone
          within seconds except for Fluppenstimme's, whose were taken off
          and quickly replaced.  Then, as suddenly as they had come, they
          were gone, without a trace.  The hall was silent, save the
          distant clip-clop sound of many feet in new shoes.

               "This hole truly is a place of evil," said Marlowe
          profoundly.

               The barefooted crew regrouped and continued across the
          floor.  The platform was smooth-carven of fine stone, about two
          (shoeless) feet high.  The throne, also wrought of stone, sat in
          the very center of the platform and was raised another three
          feet.  On either side of the throne were great statues of dwarven
          heroes and famous kings.

               "What's that one?" asked Marlowe as he pointed to a large
          figure of a dwarf in tights with a long cape trailing behind.

               "Dot'th Vunderdwarf," said Fluppenstimme.  "He vath an
          egthile from Clapton, a great land uf Vunderdwarfth which vath
          dethtroyed.  He vath the only one to ethcape.  Thadly, he vath
          killt ven a large piethe of Claptonite hit him on der noggin."

               "Hmm," said Marlowe in contemplation.  "I wish we had
          national heroes like that."  He looked around the King's throne
          with the rest of the men.  "How does one go about finding the
          King's hoarderoom?  Seems like that would be the plce to look for
          ancient treasure."

               "Veel, Ee theenk ve should thearth around thuh throne for a
          thecret button or thumthink."

               So, Marlowe, Fluppenstimme, Sandaken, Pelegor, and Tok all
          began searching around the throne and its base for some kind of
          key, button, or other item which might reveal to them the
          entrance to the King's hold.  Some fifteen minutes went by and
          they were about to give up, when Sandaken yelled: "Hey, Captain,
          look here!"  Everyone gathered around Sandaken as he pointed to
          what looked like a large leather skin filled with air which was
          resting on the seat of the throne.  Marlowe picked it up and
          examined it.  It was similar in construction to a water skin,
          except it didn't have a corked mouth.  The front of the skin was
          dyed brown, as are most water skins, but the back was tan and had
          some lines drawn on it.











                                          6


               "It looks to be some sort of map," said Pelegor.

               "What do you make of it, Porky?" asked Marlowe.

               "Weel, thir, Ee believe thuh Vithard in thaying it hath a
          map on it.  Ee em not thure of the purpothe of the thkin,
          though," he said.

               "Well," said the Captain.  "I guess we'll just have to
          follow it and see where it leads us.  It's the only clue we've
          got."

               So they regrouped once again and walked to the back of the
          chamber where they found an exit indicated on the map.  Pelegor
          commented that it must be truly powerful magic which could
          preserve the glow of the red exit sign for so many millennia.
          "Yeth, or fery thtrong batterieth," said Fluppenstimme.

               The corridor which they entered was slightly smaller than
          the one they'd been in before, and sloped downward.  Several of
          the men complained that the stone was cold and slimy on their
          bare feet, and they wanted to back to the ship.  Besides, they
          said, we don't have any truly good leads, and we'll probably all
          die down here in pursuit of some Golden Rule which will only
          complete the first part of our whole journey in quest of the Evil
          Symbol of Great Powere.  So What do you say to that?

               Marlowe reminded them that they'd be unimaginably wealthy if
          they did find all they'd set out to find.  He reminded them of
          the glory and honor of heroic courage.  He told them to remember
          how they would be immortalized in song and poem for their great
          endeavors.  And besides, he said, you all crossed your hearts and
          hoped to die, stick a needle in your eye.

               And so, they plodded onward.  They passed several side-
          passages, but followed the map to the third branch to the left,
          and down a winding stair.  By now they were deep within the
          mountain.  Suddenly, the stair ended at a wall.  They were all
          cramped and becoming claustrophobic.  There was no visible
          doorway or sign of a secret passage.

               "What do we do?" asked Marlowe.

               "The map indicates that we pass through this wall, but I do
          not know how we are supposed to do that.  Let's look for secret
          buttons again."

               So Marlowe, Pelegor, and Fluppenstimme began to search.  But
          it was in vain that they labored.  After thirty minutes of
          fumbling in the dark, they had found nothing.  The air was
          begining to get stifling, the men were nearly to the point of
          panic.











                                          7


               Suddenly Sandaken called from the rear, up the stairs:
          "Captain, I hear something coming from behind us!"

               "O.K., men, rear attack position!  Pelegor, why don't you
          try some magic on this door?  Fluppenstimme, do you have any
          ideas?"

               "Weel, Coptaine, mee father thed wunth--"

               But he was cut short by a rumbling from above.  Pelegor had
          begun his spell, and the door was glowing.  From up the stairway
          came the sound of clanging metal.  Their situation seemed
          desperately lost.

               "Marlowe, I'm afraid my spell won't work," shouted the
          Wizard.  "This wall is magically protected."

               "Curse it to hell!!!" shouted Marlowe, and he grabbed the
          mapskin from Fluppenstimme, threw it to the ground, and jumped on
          it violently.  When he landed on it, the air within the skin was
          forced out through the opening and a deep, juicy, ripper of a
          fart noise reverberated up the stairway.  For a moment,
          everything grew silent, and the wall before them turned dark
          blue.  In a moment, everyone had passed through the magic portal,
          the attackers from the rear having fled, fearing the noxious
          gases promised by the terrible spectre of flatulence which
          escaped from the mapskin.  The stone wall once more materialized
          as the dazed party found themselves in a small chamber, about
          twenty-five feet square.

               What could possibly happen next? Marlowe thought to himself
          as he regained his breath.  What next indeed...?

                                   END PART THREE